Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
