I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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