Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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