Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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