you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
