Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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