Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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