so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
