he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
