so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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