i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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