I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
