so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
