pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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