I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
