Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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