batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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