my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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