So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
