Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
