i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
