I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
