DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
