I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
