I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
