Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
