we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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