I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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