hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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