you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
