nut hugger
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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