ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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