My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize