alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
