She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
