i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
