i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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