you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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