i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
