I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
