If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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