man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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