I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
