i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
