Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize