You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
