The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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