So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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