There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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