You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
