Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
