Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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