I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
