I think im going to throw up on grandma
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
