you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.