i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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