Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
