Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful