She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.