Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
