You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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