so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize