He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
