So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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