So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
