i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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